After a long hiatus from acting, Rick Moranis returned to star in the latest installment of Honey I Shrunk the Kids 3D, directed by none other than Ewok Adventure director George Lucas. Reportedly Moranis had been filming a key scene in which he walks into a Anti-Matter ray, and shrinks himself to enter the brain of a death row inmate played by Vincent Cassel. Apparently the lazer had been live, instantly killing Moranis.
Although the cause of death seems to be clear, some of his closest friends say his death was closely tied to his obsession with Gaspar Noe’s recent Enter the Void. Apparently after watching the film Moranis had taken DMT and walked onto the set, but none of this has been verified. Nonetheless,
-You Were Loved.
Passenger 57 just crashed and burned. Ever see my dude in Wild Cats with Goldie Hawn? That shit is a touchstone of dope movies made in the 80’s. I’m pretty sure every director to make a movie after 1986, spent a whole afternoon watching Wildcats on loop while they giggled, and ate bons-bons with their older sister, Jenny. Don’t even get me started on Troop Beverly Hills because I know Wesley had something to do with that shit too. Word on the street is my guy was the voice of one of the robots in Batteries Not Included*, which is bananas. Just like that time when he went into the future to referee a pick-up basketball game between Judge Dread and Woody Allen.
-You Were Loved
Winters had been heavily involved in a Twilight cartoon spin-off, just weeks before he passed. According to some who knew the actor best, he had apparently been “running with the wrong crowd” since his days of terrorizing Venice Beach with Hollywood badboy, Keifer Sutherland and the Lost Boys. Police suspect the cause of death is heavily-tied to mysticism, as Winters had been surviving off of maggots stored in Chinese Food containers and goblets filled to the brim with blood, for over twenty years. After police conducted a brief investigation finding journals and scrolls, they uncovered that Winters had been assuming the names Marko and Bill and had planned to go back in time with Michal J. Fox or Christopher Llyod and sabotage Keanu Reeves’ career.
-You Were Loved
Total Shock. I thought that at least one of his clones would have survived from Multiplicity but I was totally wrong. The coolest part about Michael is that he played a fucking snowman in Jack Frost. He made Burl Ives looks like a pussy; he threw snowballs at middle-school bullies, and made everyone in the movie theater cry like a bitch. I don’t even want to go into Gung-Ho that shit is classic. Damn, Michael Keaton.
-You Were Loved
I never, ever saw this coming. Like everyone else in America I figured that since he made it into space, he’d become immortal or something. WRONG. Turns out, he died in the seventies, and the guy from Weird Science, and The Hills Have Eyes has been going around and posing as him. He even cut a record with Snoop Dogg. Take that Neil Armstrong, you dick!
-You Were Loved
I never saw this coming. I hum Baby Beluga in shower and thanks to him, I’m hyper aware of the benefits of eating apples and bananas. Needless to say, I’m pretty bummed. I bet Sharon, Lois & Bram are super psyched. In fact they just collaborated with Diddy, on a Skinnamarink remix. It’s the tits—sorry Raffi.
-You Were Loved
