Winters had been heavily involved in a Twilight cartoon spin-off, just weeks before he passed. According to some who knew the actor best, he had apparently been “running with the wrong crowd” since his days of terrorizing Venice Beach with Hollywood badboy, Keifer Sutherland and the Lost Boys. Police suspect the cause of death is heavily-tied to mysticism, as Winters had been surviving off of maggots stored in Chinese Food containers and goblets filled to the brim with blood, for over twenty years. After police conducted a brief investigation finding journals and scrolls, they uncovered that Winters had been assuming the names Marko and Bill and had planned to go back in time with Michal J. Fox or Christopher Llyod and sabotage Keanu Reeves’ career.
-You Were Loved
Total Shock. I thought that at least one of his clones would have survived from Multiplicity but I was totally wrong. The coolest part about Michael is that he played a fucking snowman in Jack Frost. He made Burl Ives looks like a pussy; he threw snowballs at middle-school bullies, and made everyone in the movie theater cry like a bitch. I don’t even want to go into Gung-Ho that shit is classic. Damn, Michael Keaton.
-You Were Loved
I never, ever saw this coming. Like everyone else in America I figured that since he made it into space, he’d become immortal or something. WRONG. Turns out, he died in the seventies, and the guy from Weird Science, and The Hills Have Eyes has been going around and posing as him. He even cut a record with Snoop Dogg. Take that Neil Armstrong, you dick!
-You Were Loved
I never saw this coming. I hum Baby Beluga in shower and thanks to him, I’m hyper aware of the benefits of eating apples and bananas. Needless to say, I’m pretty bummed. I bet Sharon, Lois & Bram are super psyched. In fact they just collaborated with Diddy, on a Skinnamarink remix. It’s the tits—sorry Raffi.
-You Were Loved
