James Earl Jones of Coming To America, and Lion King Fame, Dead at 82

James Earl Jones

Yesterday  it was reported that James Earl Jones, (Darth Vader) died of unknown causes. The esteemed actor has appeared in over 144 films, and 30 plays in his long career, however he will forever be remembered for his roles in Million Dollar Baby, and the Bucket List.  

Upon hearing the news, close friend Don Cheadle had this to say: 
“I mean damn, James was the voice of a generation now long gone. No one can ever do what that dude did, I mean March of the Penguins, Invictus? RED? He’ll be forever missed, that’s for sure. BTW have you seen my new Showtime series? It’s good, because there’s titty in it.” 
 
James Caan: “ I remember when I first saw the Great White Hype, and I was like what the fuck is this movie really about?“ 
 
Before passing, Jones completed filming on two last roles. The first being the upcoming Christopher Nolan film, The Dark Knight Rises, where he will reprise his role as Bruce Wayne’s butler, Luscious Jackson.  The other being a made for tv movie about revolutionary writer, Armond White, titled: “Our Soul Man

Mad Scientist, Rick Moranis of Flintstones Fame, Dead at 57

    

After a long hiatus from acting, Rick Moranis returned to star in the latest installment of Honey I Shrunk the Kids 3D, directed by none other than Ewok Adventure director George Lucas. Reportedly Moranis had been filming a key scene in which he walks into a Anti-Matter ray, and shrinks himself to enter the brain of a death row inmate played by Vincent Cassel. Apparently the lazer had been live, instantly killing Moranis. 

Although the cause of death seems to be clear, some of his closest friends say his death was closely tied to his obsession with Gaspar Noe’s recent Enter the Void. Apparently after watching the film Moranis had taken DMT and walked onto the set, but none of this has been verified. Nonetheless,

-You Were Loved.

Buzz Aldrin, Cosmic Cowboy/Space Explorer, Dead at 88

                  BUZZ IS DEAD!

I never, ever saw this coming. Like everyone else in America I figured that since he made it into space,  he’d become immortal or something. WRONG. Turns out, he died in the seventies, and the guy from Weird Science, and The Hills Have Eyes has been going around and posing as him. He even cut a record with Snoop Dogg. Take that Neil Armstrong, you dick!

-You Were Loved