Yesterday it was reported that James Earl Jones, (Darth Vader) died of unknown causes. The esteemed actor has appeared in over 144 films, and 30 plays in his long career, however he will forever be remembered for his roles in Million Dollar Baby, and the Bucket List.
Upon hearing the news, close friend Don Cheadle had this to say:
“I mean damn, James was the voice of a generation now long gone. No one can ever do what that dude did, I mean March of the Penguins, Invictus? RED? He’ll be forever missed, that’s for sure. BTW have you seen my new Showtime series? It’s good, because there’s titty in it.”
James Caan: “ I remember when I first saw the Great White Hype, and I was like what the fuck is this movie really about?“
Before passing, Jones completed filming on two last roles. The first being the upcoming Christopher Nolan film, The Dark Knight Rises, where he will reprise his role as Bruce Wayne’s butler, Luscious Jackson. The other being a made for tv movie about revolutionary writer, Armond White, titled: “Our Soul Man”
Bad week for classic black celebs, first George Foreman, then Big Daddy Kane, now Malcolm Jamal Warner. Who’s next? Thank god for Herman Cain and his bid to seed more Big Sausage Pizza chains across the nation.
Remember that time Theo got into trouble with that bookie and Carl had to bail him out? I totally miss moments like that. Or when Myrtle Urkel fell in love with Theo?
I kind of wish Malcolm Jamal Warner never grew up and got mixed up with Martin Lawrence in Malcom & Eddie. The show would have been so much better with Waldo Faldo instead of Martin Lawrence. What do you think Martin is up to these days? He was a huge hit with all those Rush Hour movies, but I’m not sure where his career went after that. I think he’s doing PSA’s with Louis Gosset Jr.
Damn, Malcolm Jamal Warner.
-You Were Loved
Had it not been for his breakthrough performance as high school math teacher Jaime Escalante in the Stand & Deliver, Zane would have never made it into the latino music scene, an industry he single handedly created.
“So what? Yeah I played a Mummy; yeah I was Charles Bronson’s understudy in Death Wish, big deal, because you know what, I’m fucking Billy Zane, so if I want to get weird and cut a Ceasar for a shit TV movie, I fucking will.”
Imagine you’re eleven, living in Los Angeles County in 1994. You’re dad’s a lifeguard stud and on the weekends he leaves you with a 30dd babysitter named Christy while he moonlights as a rockstar god in Hamburg, Germany. After a while you grow tired of ogling Christy and your fingers hurt from making all those friendship bracelets so you get into hang-gliding. You looooove hanggliding. It’s the tits, and after a few years(episodes) of hanggliding, you become the national champion and overall authority for the sport. People start referring to you as Hobie, Boy Wonder—you win a couple more titles, and the fame gets to your head. You start to travel the world with your rock star dad, bumping skins with trannies, and Devil Dogging hookers, and then bam you’re 34 and you’ve picked up a few more hobbies, like PCP, and methamphetamines.
As far as the world’s concerned you’re washed up, but you don’t sweat it because you’re making bank from that junior chemistry setup inside your trailer in New Mexico. Life is good, life is reeeaal good, but you’ve given up hang-gliding—you miss it, so one day you start tweaking real bad so you load your hang-gliding equipment into your shitty pickup and hightail it up to L.A. You call up your old hang-gliding buddies, but they don’t answer—they never do, so you take one more hit from your glass pipe and decide to fly solo, but you forget to check the weather that day—there’s a serious heat front pushing 20mph winds up the coast so you get knocked off course, and them BLAMMMMMM you fucking hit the rocks.
-You Were Loved
Famous for his Knight Rider shtick/DJ mixtapes, William Daniels or Mr. Feeny to his fans, has passed. It’s reported that he suffered a heart attack while recording the third bar of his follow-up to the highly acclaimed LeatherBound Sounds LP.
Daniels, a raging tape enthusiast had been hard at work on a Fred and Ben Savage mashup which featured the vocal talents of not only Howie Mandel, but also Ryder Strong.
Close friend, Ted DiBiase had this to say:
He was true blue; a lo-fi pioneer.”
Damn Mr. Feeny,
-You Were Loved
The medical examiner said that it had something to do with the experimental makeup she had been using ever since her lay off from the Drew Carey Show. According to close friend and confidante Rosie Perez, the two would constantly dabble in Ruby Reds, Magentas, and Topaz shaded lipsticks, but it was the Emerald Green eye shadow that finally ended her career in experimental cosmetic testing. Drew Carey could not be reached for a comment as he reportedly likes to keep his hands clean, ever since his incident at the Chattanooga Burgerthon & Pie Eating Festival, but Ted Dibiase her partner of 18 years did have this to say:
“When I first laid eyes on that rainbow of a woman, I knew that I had my match. At the time I had been wearing a whole heck of a lot of spangled green suits, and large Marge top hots sprinkled in all types of glitter; I was simply mesmerized. I couldn’t take my eyes off the creature. We’d been together ever since. “
Despite Kinney’s long and storied theater career she will forever be remember for her work on Law & Order. This is a sad day for television. Damn Mimi.
-You Were Loved
I was really holding out for a sequel to Big Trouble in Little China. I mean you can’t leave a solid movie like that on a cliffhanger. I wonder if that monster in the end had anything to do with his death? No, way! Come to think of it Jack Burton would beat the shit out of that thing. Now they’re going to have to replace his role with some Kurt Russell lookalike like Jeff Bridges or Matthew Modine. Or Better yet Daniel m-o-t-h-e-r f-u-c-k-i-ng Stern should do it! That guy looks just like Kurt Russell. According to IMDB, Stern was a body double for all of Russell’s sex scenes in Captain Ron.
I wonder how Tango feels about this?
You Were Loved,
P.S. Remember Executive Decision, that shit was balling!
I don’t what George, George, and Little George are going to do now that they’ve lost their Meineke connection. Who’s going to run out and Foreman Grill there Subway Sandwiches? I know Jared’s not going to do it, he’s a selfish bastard who I hear is doing side work for Quizno’s.
Remember when Foreman got his ear bit off by Eric Butterbean on that Showtime fight night special? I remember my twin brothers ordered it and we were so psyched to hear that Butterbean was so determined to win, that he said something top the effect that he would eat Foreman’s kids and Foreman was like, “I’d like to see you fit little Georgette in your mouth”.
Boy am I going to miss those infomercials.
-Your Were Loved
We went there: ’90s TV Characters in Halloween Costumes: A Hall of Fame